Total Humiliation!

Okay, there are definitely certain days that one should not get out of bed. Today qualifies!

After just completing five days in NYC working on a new business venture and then going directly to 10 days on tour, exhausted does not begin to explain how I feel.

We ended the last tour leg in Detroit and then drove to Columbus to park the truck so that it would be there when we flew in for the next show. The good news is that when we got there, I found a great little store that was full of furniture for the new business we are working on. After a bit of a shopping spree, we all headed to the airport.

I was booked on a separate flight from my staff, so I checked in and headed to my gate alone. On the way I picked up a sandwich to take with me. Well that is where the fun began.First of all, it was a small jet. You know, the ones that make you feel like you are in a tin can. So I find my seat, sit down, and decided to take a bite of my sandwich before another passenger decides to sit next to me. 

Well, I pull out the sandwich, and out falls a huge hunk of onion. Now, logic would tell you that putting it in my mouth on a small plane was a bad idea, however, it looked tasty, so I went against my better judgment and put the whole thing in my mouth.

Of course, that was the same moment that my new seat buddy decided to sit down. Here I am, sitting with a mouthful of onion, looking at a nice man who would like to sit down. I did what anyone would do and decided to stare out the window and avoid eye contact. As I slowly chewed my now VERY strong onion, I decided that this was one of those put-on-your-headset-and-don’t-speak moments. Too embarrassed to eat my sandwich, I just sat there, chewed my onion and tried to disappear.

Now this man was a handsome fellow. Being very tall with a muscular build, he took up a lot of the seat. In fact, I realized that I had lost all rights to the armrest. This was a bit of an irritant to me, but he admittedly deserved it because he was bigger. So I did the twist-your-back-into-the-window-and-don’t-breath technique. It didn’t help that I had decided to put my computer bag under my seat, and I had no legroom either! I was a twisted pretzel with nowhere to go.

For most of the flight I was uncomfortable, so finally in a moment of frustration, I decided to wiggle out my laptop and do some work. I managed to get my laptop out of the bag, but then everything else fell out. My solution to this problem was to put my feet on top of all of my junk and hold it there.I opened my lap and started typing (with my arms pinned to my side, of course). It was not even 10 minutes later that the flight attendant announced we were landing. Well, putting my laptop back was not an option. So I thought I would just set it on top of my computer bag.

As you may have guessed, the minute we started going down, my laptop fell forward and under the seat in front of me. I quickly reached down to retrieve it, but with the computer bag and the tall dude beside me, I had no room to move. Add to that it was all the way under the seat in front of me, I struggled to retrieve it.

Now here is the great part. As I am reaching way under the seat, with my knees in my ears, I feel this warm sensation. For a second I paused thinking, “what could that be?”
Then it hit me. My water bottle was on my lap with no lid.

Ahhhhhh… Soaked does not even begin to describe the situation. Now understand that the water managed to go directly between my legs. Thus soaking not only the front, but my entire backside as well.

Of course I panicked, started reaching for stuff, and splashed water everywhere. This made me laugh, and the guy next to me saw it all happen and started laughing too.He knew what had happened and he knew how bad it was. I could tell he was trying hard not to die laughing, but he wasn’t very good at it. So, there I sat, soaked to the bone and the plane was landing.

For a moment I pondered what to do, then I just decided to roll with it. I pulled out my camera and took a picture. I just had to document this one! As we taxied to the gate, we cracked a few jokes about my situation, however, it became less and less funny as I realized that I was going to have to stand up in just a few minutes. Still hysterical, he told me that he had to run (he probably didn’t want to be seen next to the woman that smelled like an onion and looked like she wet herself), so I was left alone to walk that terrible walk. It was at that moment, I decided that I was going to hold my head up high and just do it.

I stood up and realized the magnitude of the problem, but I forced my feet to start moving. I walked slowly at first, then I picked up the pace a bit as I walked out of the plane, down the terminal, and toward the gate for my next plane. I am not sure why, but the song,I Did it My Way was the only thing I could think of. So as I walked down the terminal I sang those words over and over in my head.  da da da daaaaaa......da da da daaaaaa....

Oh, I felt the stares, the snickers, and even the people pointing. But I just kept walking in spite of the pain and agony those moments caused. I did stop in the bathroom stall to take one final picture of the back of my pants.

It was too funny not to have the full story captured.

When I walked up to my gate, I saw the ticket agent staring at my problem. I just smiled, handed her my ticket and kept on going.

As I sat on my final flight to Denver, I had to smile at the whole thing. I watched the sunset and gave thanks that this crazy day was almost over.
I can assure you, that from now on, I will not be taking water bottles on planes.